Too Young to know
by XxStephXx
Summary: They were married, he cheated they divorced. 3 years on, they are best friends but is that enough for either of them. LJ bfore Harry.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 

Three years ago Lily and James had gotten divorced. Lily had found out that he had cheated on her, with another Auror trainee during a training weekend. 2 years after the divorce, they had met again when they both joined the Order of the Phoenix. Now they were best friends and living at the Order's headquarters with Sirius and Remus. Lily had been dating a healer called Colin for 18 months. James was dating, but never stuck to a girl for more than a month.

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"How could you? I thought me and baby Tilly meant more to you than this," shouted Lily.

"Sweetheart…" protested James.

"NO. How could you?" she shouted and then she promptly gave a hard slap that echoed through the entire bar, then she stormed off.

"Bloody hell Lily, there was no need for violence," said James rubbing his face as he slumped into a booth with Lily and Sirius. The latest girl has jus left the bar.

"What? It had to look authentic. She was planning your bloody engagement party," laughed Lily.

"Still…." Moaned James. He had been seeing a girl for a few weeks, and she had started to get clingy and serious. So he had enlisted Lily's help to get rid of her.

"Awwwwww, did I hurt your poor face," she cooed stroking his cheek.

"Yeah," pouted James.

"Too bad, go and get the drinks," she laughed, "You owe me. I've pretended to be your wife 6 times since Christmas."

"You were my wife, it's hardly a stretch…"

"James, it's March."

"Yeah well I am not asking him for help again," said James pointing to Sirius.

"Why not? It's hilarious," laughed Lily remembering the last time James had asked Sirius to help him get rid of a girl.

"He started screeching about a Viennese orphan….then kissed me," hissed James.

"I know it was sooooo funny," laughed Lily.

"It was one of my better performances," said Sirius smugly.

"You used tongue," hissed James causing Lily and Sirius to laugh harder.

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LILY'S POV

You know I sometimes think that it is odd that my ex husband is my best friend, never mind the fact that I live with him. You see we married in haste, we were 18 and had only been out of Hogwarts 4 days before the wedding.

We started having problems a year after we married. We muddled through, pretending everything was alright. Then we had a huge fight the day before he left for a training weekend in Dover. I never ever thought he would cheat on me. But as soon as he got back he told me, that he had slept with a fellow trainee.

I still remember how I felt that night, when he told me. I felt so betrayed, not only was he my husband he was my best friend. I thought he was my soul mate, he had always promised that he would never hurt me, and he had in the worst possible way.

I walked out on him that, despite his apologies and him begging me to stay with him. I realise now that he hadn't intentionally set out to break my heart. We were only 21 when we divorced, we were young and stupid.

It took me a long time, to be able to forgive him for what he did to me. But a year ago when I saw him, I couldn't hate him anymore. He hated himself for hurting the only girl that had really known and cared about him. And so here we are….James Potter is my best friend, the only person I can tell anything to and know that he would never judge me.

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JAMES' POV

I know most people find it weird that I live with my ex wife. I suppose it is weird, but me and Lily have never been average or normal. Even back at school, she hated me right up until the end of 6th year. I chased her for 7 years before she finally went out with me. I knew from third year that I would end up with her, she was so different from all the other girls. She was the only one that could keep my attention for more than a few weeks.

When we did go out at school, it was amazing. It was so worth the 7 years of waiting. I proposed to her after the Easter holidays in 7th year, I just realized how much I had missed her and I knew I never wanted to go weeks without seeing her ever again. She said yes and 4 days after graduation we got married.

Everything was great in the first year, everything I had dreamed it would be. But then we started working more, there was more and more attacks, and I think we just grew apart.

We had a huge fight one night, the next day I went on a training weekend. While I was there I got talking to a fellow trainee Gina, I got drunk and I did the worst thing imaginable I slept with her. I slept with her, while my wife was at home waiting for me to come home.

I didn't plan on telling her, I went home thinking she never had to know. I would try harder, we would get a marriage counselor and everything would go back to how it was when we first got married. But when I walked into our house and I saw her sitting there by the fire, I knew I couldn't lie to her. She apologised for the fight, and I had to tell her. I'll always remember the look on her face when I told her what happened with Gina, she was shattered I saw it in her eyes. I had destroyed everything we ever had, she had trusted me and I betrayed her.

Then she did the only thing I could have expected, she packed and bag and left me. I knew it was unlikely, but I still begged her to stay with me. I pleaded, got down on my knees, I cried but nothing she still walked out. She filed for divorce and I did the only decent thing I could do for her, I signed the papers and gave her everything she wanted. I had always swore to myself that I would never hurt her, I know I've hurt other girls before and after her, but I was never going to hurt her, not her. But I did and I lost my wife, my best friend and the only woman that would ever understand me, and love me despite my obvious faults.

But then a year ago, I was at a meeting for the Order and then she walked back into my life. And then by some miracle, she not only didn't hate me but was actually willing to talk to me and be friends.

Now we are just like we used to, except no sex or romantic things. Just friends, and it's more than I deserve. I've even met her boyfriend Colin, I bought him a drink and politely warned him not to hurt her. When I say politely, I mean I had him up against a wall by his throat and told him if he ever caused her any unhappiness I would castrate him, and feed him to the wolves.

I made coffee, the first morning I woke up to find Colin in our kitchen at breakfast time in his boxers. I told her I was happy for her, if he made her happy I even sounded as if I meant it. But it's hard to watch the woman you vowed to spend the rest of your life with, going upstairs with another man and knowing you have no' one but yourself to blame for the sharp pain through your heart.

So I date, mindless, brainless bimbos hoping that I can forget what I threw away. I sleep around, but I don't feel a thing. Because everything I ever wanted and needed to feel alive is gone, she's moved on and is happy with someone else. All I can do is smile and wish her luck, because I know if I tell her how I feel she'll walk out again and I'll never see her again. All the pain in the world is worth it just to see the smile on her face, even if it's not you that makes her smile.

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**I know I probably shouldnt be starting another story but this idea just came to me, so I wrote it. BTW NOT A ONE SHOT**

**I will put up another chapter in the next few days**

**REVIEW**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Will you please be reasonable?" said Lily, the next morning as she came into the kitchen closely followed by Colin.

"I am being reasonable Lily. I don't moan that you are more than a little close to your ex husband, never mind that you live with him….." said Colin.

"You are moaning about now though."

"I'm not this has nothing to do with who you live with, this is about us and our relationship. We've been together a year and a half don't you think it's time, we took the next step," said Colin.

"But I like it here, can't you move in here?"

"With the ex husband, the werewolf and Black?"

"They are my friends"

"And I'm your boyfriend"

"Yeah and my boyfriend is being a jerk, I like it here," said Lily, getting angry even though he did have a point.

"I think you need to think about your priorities, and where they lie. I'm not asking you to give up your friends, I just want us to move on….."

"I have a drawer at your place, and a key"

"But I want you there."

"I spend half the time there anyway"

"But I want you there all the time. It doesn't even need to be my place, we could find somewhere else together."

"But…."

"Like I said, you need to think about your priorities….Dinner tonight?" said Colin, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Okay," she said.

"Leaky Cauldron, 7pm?"

"I'll be there"

"Okay, I gotta go to work," said Colin.

"Bye," said Lily.

Colin left and when Lily heard him apparate, she screamed out in frustration.

"What? What's going on? Are you alright?" gasped James running into the kitchen in his boxers with his wand drawn.

"MEN!!!" shouted Lily.

"You had a fight with Colin?"

"Yes"

"You screamed, woke me up on my day off, scared the life out of me, made me think you were being attacked all because you had a fight with your boyfriend"

"Ummm….yes," said Lily sheepishly, "Sorreee"

"It's alright," sighed James, putting the kettle on, "What happened?"

"He wants to move in together," sighed Lily, not noticing James wince.

"Okay, and why were you fighting about that? Do you not want to move in with him?"

"I don't know"

"You don't know?"

"No I don't know. I mean we have been together a year and a half, and it is the next logical step…"

"But…"

"How did you know there was a but?"

"Because I know you," grinned James.

"I like it here, I love living here. It just feels safer here, than out there," shrugged Lily.

"Ask him to move in here, I mean he is a member of the Order," said James before he could stop himself.

"I already suggested that, but he wasn't crazy about that idea," sighed Lily.

"Because of me?"

"Partly, I think he just wanted us to live alone with each other," said Lily.

"I don't blame him," muttered James.

"What?" said Lily, she hadn't heard what he had said.

"I mean I can see why he would feel that way," said James.

"I guess, so can I but….. I don't want to leave here," said Lily. "He said I need to think about my priorities"

"What do you think?"

"I think I want things to stay the same. I mean we spend most nights together anyway why do we have to live together?"

"You shouldn't do anything you don't want to do, or anything you aren't ready for," said James.

"I know, and I know he would never force me to…."

"Do what makes you happy."

"I will"

"Promise"

"I promise"

"Good. I mean it don't move in with him, just to make him happy. Do it because it's what you truly want. I'd hate to see you unhappy, you deserve so much better," said James.

"Thank you," said Lily touched by his words.

"No problem, and if you need someone to talk to…."

"I know. Who do I always talk to?"

"Just reminding you flower"

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"James…." Whispered Lily.

She had just gotten back from dinner with Colin. James was already in bed, but she needed to talk to someone. So she crept into his room.

"Uh…Lily….What's up?" mumbled James groggily.

"Are you sleeping?"

"I was," he groaned.

"Oh sorry….I'll just…"

"Come in Lily," he said, he knew she needed to talk.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"Oh good," she said, "Scoot over"

James grunted but shifted over so that she could climb into his bed with him.

"So what's up?" he asked trying to ignore the fact that she was lying next to him in hot pants and little strappy top.

"I told Colin I didn't want to move in together just yet," she said cuddling into him.

"And what did he say?" said James, "If he pressured you or….. I'll kill him"

"No, he didn't. He was nice about it, he said he would give me some time because he knew that I had been badly hurt in the past and that it was hard for me to trust guys," said Lily, forgetting that she was talking to the man that had hurt her.

"I'm so sorry Lily, I….If I could go back and change what happened I would. I hate that you can't trust men because of me and what I did," said James suddenly holding Lily closer.

"It's alright, I told you I forgave you for that a long time ago," said Lily, she was surprised to find that it still hurt to talk about it.

"But it's still my fault, you don't trust people like you used to"

"It's alright James, really I think this is more to do with me than you," said Lily.

"Okay, but I am so sorry for everything"

"It's all in the past now"

"So what else happened?"

"He told me he loved me," said Lily, "He has never said that before, he implied it but he never said the words."

"What did you say?"

"I said do you want to split a dessert?" said Lily, "It's not exactly what he was expecting but…."

"Do you love him?" said James painfully, someone else loved her now, and they had more of a chance than he did. She would probably say she did love him, they would get married and have children. And he would die bitter and alone, because he had cheated on the only good thing in his life.

"Umm…. I don't know…. I couldn't say it and mean it," said Lily sadly, "I hurt him and he didn't deserve it. He is a kind sweet man, who adores me and would never hurt me and yet I couldn't say three little words to him."

"It's not your fault. Love isn't something you can force, never say it unless you mean it. Don't try to force it"

"When did you become so wise?" teased Lily.

"I've always been wise, dear," said James, kissing the top of her head, "Now try and get some sleep, everything will seem so much better in the morning"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It was a week since Colin had told Lily he loved her. Things seemed to be getting back to normal with them now, they weren't moving in together because Lily wasn't ready. They had just gone out to dinner. Lily was slightly tipsy and they were going back to headquarters, they stumbled in to find James and Sirius in the living room playing chess.

"Whoops was that always there," giggled Lily.

"The step yes it was," said Colin, who had his arm snaked around her waist to hold her up.

"Oh whoops, I can't believe you got me drunk," she giggled again.

"Oh dear, is Lily hammered?" said Sirius.

"No Lily is not, thank you very much," said Lily putting her arms round Colin's neck.

James looked at her and instantly knew the look in her eye. Colin was going to get very lucky that night. You see Lily only got that look about once a year, and when she did she was insatiable. He missed that look.

"You're pretty," said Lily looking at Colin.

"You're pretty too, come on lets get you upstairs," said Colin.

"Yayyyy," giggled Lily grabbing his hand and pulling him upstairs.

"I didn't mean…." Protested Colin.

"Awwww come on," moaned Lily, "You know you love it"

By now James was actually feeling physical pain, just listening to this. Colin didn't deserve Lily, he was too ordinary and she was special, she deserved the best. James knew that he didn't deserve her either, but he wished he did… But he didn't.

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"I'm sorry I have work in the morning," protested Colin about an hour later.

Sirius had gone to bed, James was listening from the kitchen.

"Awwww come on, it'll be fun," said Lily, pressing a kiss to his neck.

"I really have to go, we can have sex tomorrow," said Colin.

"I don't want to have sex tomorrow I want it now," whined Lily.

"I have to go I'm sorry," said Colin kissing her goodbye.

"I hate men, and you what I hate even more than men James?" said Lily.

"Uh…..Hi Lily," said James sheepishly. How did she know he was listening?

"You know what I hate more than men?"

"Uh…..leprechauns that bite?"

"No," snapped Lily, " I hate having to fake orgasms when I'm horny"

"Okay…." Said James slowly.

"I want sex," muttered Lily wandering back upstairs.

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"I'M NAKED!!" shouted James, the next morning. He was in the shower and someone, he suspected Sirius, had just come into the bathroom.

"Relax, it's nothing I haven't seen before," said Lily rolling her eyes.

"I'm naked in the shower," he hissed peeking his head out.

"I know, but I want to straighten my hair and I need the big mirror," said Lily.

"Give me 5 minutes," said James.

"No, I want to do it now. And since when were you shy?"

"Lily," he growled, "will you be reasonable?"

"No, I don't want to be. You're being selfish, and it's not like I haven't seen Little Prongs before"

"Are you PMSing woman?"

"No"

"Pass me the bloody towel," he said turning off the shower.

"Here," said Lily passing him the towel.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" said James tightening the towel round his waist.

"Nothing, I just want a little bathroom time," said Lily.

"That is not it," sighed James keeping a hold of his towel. With Lily in this mood, she might castrate him if he said the wrong thing.

"It is, I live in a house with male pigs," ranted Lily.

"What did we do?" he said gripping the towel so hard his knuckles were white.

"Oh come on. Do you think I am going to turn that towel into a testicle eating shark?"

"I don't know, with the mood you're in. I think you are capable of anything."

"That is just such a typical MAN thing to say," shouted Lily.

"I know what this is about, this is because you didn't get enough sex with your horny eyes…."

"MY WHAT?"

"The look in your eye, you get when you're horny and you can go all night," grinned James.

"That is not true," screeched Lily.

"Yeah it is. You forget flower that I satisfied the eyes 5 times. The best five nights and days of my life," grinned James.

"Hmmmmmph," huffed Lily, then she added slyly, "It was good those times"

"It was," said James smugly.

"I only had 1 last night," said Lily turning back to the mirror.

"1 what? Orgasm?"

"Yeah, we had sex twice and I had one that I didn't fake," said Lily furiously.

"So the beast wasn't tamed?"

"Excuse you."

"The beast, the Lily sex beast. You wouldn't even let me think about sleep until the beast had been completely tamed," he chuckled.

"Not true"

"Very true," said James backing Lily into the side of the shower.

She had no idea what made her do it, but she leaned forward and kissed him. It wasn't a deep passionate kiss, just pressing her lips to his. Shocked at first, James just stood there. But then his brain caught up and he deepened the kiss. James nipped her lower lip. The kiss wasn't planned, they didn't want to. It just happened.

Both were enjoying it too much, to think about the consequences or what it meant. She made a tiny noise from the bottom of her delicate throat and that noise seemed to infuse his blood making him cover her mouth fully, plunging his tongue into her soft sweet depths.

He pinned her harder against the hard surface, holding her in place with his hips. His hands were all over her, in her hair, stroking her cheek, on her neck. He had missed how she tasted, it was intoxicating and he was going to savor every single moment.

Lily hand flew straight to his hair, she loved the feeling of his hair. Her other hand went to the towel, she didn't rip it off, she just ran a finger along the edge of it.

He gently slid his hand up her vest top, cupping her breast, gently massaging it. Lily let out another moan. James took this as a sign to progress, recognizing the urgency behind the moan.

His fingers spread through her hair, cradling her head. His lips covered hers; his tongue delved inside her mouth. The heat of his body surrounded her, seeping into her pores, spreading a sensual warmth. Her heartbeat accelerated. An adrenaline rush of pure excitement shot through her.

Lily knew that she was fast losing control, and she didn't care. To be with James again, to feel the pleasure she had only ever felt with him, it was worth it. Suddenly her hands were all over him. His shoulders, his chest, his face. She couldn't touch him enough. The need to taste him urged her mouth to free itself from his kisses and move over his throat and down his chest.

Lily suddenly, taking James by surprise, yanked his towel off him and threw it out of their way. James slowly ran his palm across the waistband of the shorts she was wearing. He slowly hooked a finger inside.

"Hurry up," she whispered, her voice full of desire.

"All in good time," he grinned, pulling them down. Lily kicked them off with her feet.

James gazed lovingly at her familiar curves and felt himself harden at once. She always had that effect on him. Just one look at her pale chest and he knew he couldn't last long without feeling her around him.

She was now almost panting with anticipation. James suddenly hauled her upwards, positioning her to accept his fast, deep thrust. Gasping and shivering, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his lean, narrow hips.

He clutched her buttocks, steadying her for his withdrawal. And then he was inside her, embedding himself fully within her.

She clung to him, her breasts raking his sweat-dampened chest. His hair falling into his eyes as he hammered into her. While the tension built, the need for fulfillment became excruciating. She felt everything. Every strong, powerful inch of him moving inside her. The friction of his muscular chest against her sensitive nipples. The tension building in her femininity. The hard wall at her back. James' big hands clutching her bum.

She could hear his labored breath and her own pants and gasps. His groans; her whimpers. Their mingled moans of pleasure. The wet slush of two bodies joined in an act of untamed mating. The bump of her buttocks against the wall as James increased the tempo and momentum.

Her other senses combined in a frenzy of scent and taste and sight. Male and Female, ripe with lust. When the pressure built to an unbearable ache, she bit down on her bottom lip and tasted her own blood. The entire world faded away, leaving nothing behind except James. James and Lily. And pure sensation.

The point of no return came all too soon. He lunged up and into her repeatedly. Fast and furious. And then the tightly wound tension burst inside her. She cried out, clinging to him. Instinctively he went wild, pumping her like mad until she came apart in his arms, keening loudly as her climax raged through her body.

While the powerful aftershocks rocked her from head to toes, James sought and found his own gratification. His hoarse, animalistic groans coincided with the rush of his release. He trembled; he shook. And then he leaned into her, rubbing his cheek alongside hers as he pressed his forehead against the shower wall.

"Lily…." He groaned, they would have to talk about what had just happened.

"No……no speaking," she panted.

She jumped down, opened the shower door, and pulled James in with her.

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**Okay i think that was a pretty good chapter, but the last chapter had a disappointing number of review so be better readers and REVIEW!!!!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

James lay there in his bed, watching Lily sleep. He wasn't surprised she was still asleep, he had only just woken up. They had had sex, in the bathroom, in the shower, in the hall, against the door and finally in the bed. He was exhausted. Neither of them had said anything about what they were doing.

If he concentrated really hard, he could pretend that this was normal. That he was just an ordinary guy, that spent the morning making love to his wife. He wished that was how it was so much it hurt. He couldn't even hold her, in case he woke her.

He knew what would happen when she woke up. She would feel so guilty for cheating on Colin. He shouldn't have let it happen, he should have thought what it would do to her. But he couldn't, he knew he couldn't, as soon as she had kissed him all coherent thoughts went out the window. It had been so long since he had been able to kiss her.

"I love you flower, I love you so much. I just wish I could be the man you deserve. I'm not, I know I'm not. I betrayed you in the worst way, and I will hate myself for the rest of my life for doing that you. I know what happened this afternoon will probably have only made things worse, because now you'll hate me….I took advantage and I'm sorry. I just seem to keep hurting you…." He said emotionally, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Then he noticed Lily was starting to stir, so he did the only thing he had time to do. He pretended to be asleep.

"Hmmmmppphhhhhh uh….James….oh," mumbled Lily slowly coming round.

"Ummm……yeah," groaned James, pretending to wake up too.

"No, no, no….." muttered Lily jumping out of bed, realising the situation.

"Lily…." Tried James.

"No James, don't," she shouted, "This should never have happened"

"But…."

"But nothing, this isn't me," she shouted pulling on a pair of James' boxers and shirt, "I don't cheat on people who love me, I don't pull a relationship apart and break someone's heart just for a quick fuck…."

"Lily…."

"I'm not you," she said storming from the room.

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The next morning, Lily walked into the kitchen from the backdoor , to find James and Sirius having breakfast.

"Well good morning," said Sirius, "Aren't you the dirty little stop out?"

"Good morning to you too," said Lily.

"Morning Lily," said James, he just wanted her to at least talk to him.

"Morning James," said Lily, but she didn't look at him.

"Spend the night at Colin's?" asked Sirius, Lily was like a little sister to him and he liked to know where she was and if she was alright.

"Yeah," said Lily, pouring herself some coffee, "I actually wanted to talk to you two"

"About what?" said Sirius.

"I'm uh….moving out," said Lily not being able to look at either of them.

"Why?" James blurted out, "Are you moving in with Colin?"

"No, I'm not. I found a place of my own," said Lily again not looking at him.

"Wow….. that is a little unexpected. When are you moving out?" said Sirius.

"Today," said Lily.

"Isn't that a little quick?"

"I guess, but what is the point in waiting," said Lily.

"I suppose," said Sirius, "I wish I could stay and help you pack, but I have to go to work today."

"That's alright there will be plenty of boxes here waiting for you to lift when you finish," said Lily.

"I'll miss having you around here," said Sirius kissing the top of her head.

"I'll miss being here, but you can visit anytime you want," said Lily.

"I intend to," said Sirius, "You coming Prongs?"

"I'll be there in a minute," said James.

"Okay," shrugged Sirius and then he apparated.

As soon as Sirius was gone, Lily got up and made to go upstairs.

"Lily…Lily come on, you have to talk to me sooner or later," said James following her upstairs.

"Why? What do we have to talk about?"

"You know what"

"James…" she sighed stopping at the top of the stairs.

"Look I understand how you're feeling…"

"Do you? I cheated on him when he hasn't done anything but love me, how could you understand how I feel?"

"I did it to you, I know how it feels. I know the guilt and self-loathing"

"And I know how it feels to be on the other end," said Lily.

"Did you tell him?"

"No, I didn't. And there is no reason why he should ever find out."

"He won't hear it from me I promise," he said.

"Thank you."

"It's the least I can do," shrugged James, "But Lily what about us?"

"What about us? There is no us and there never will be again."

"I meant us as friends."

"Oh……"

"Can't we please just forget it ever happened and go back to how things were. You're one of my best friends Lily and I don't want to lose you and what we have."

"Me neither," sighed Lily.

"So….."

"So we should forget it every happened, and try to get back to the way it was," she said.

"Really?"

"Yes really James. What happened yesterday is more my fault than yours anyway," she said.

"Your fault? How is it your fault?"

"You are single, I'm not. I shouldn't……it shouldn't have happened. But you're right we are great friends, and I don't want to lose your friendship…."

"You won't, and for what it's worth I'm sorry about what happened too," lied James.

"Okay, so we just forget it and things go back to normal?"

"Yes," said James.

"Good"

"You don't have to move out."

"That isn't why I am moving out. Colin and I talked last night, and I'm never going to be ready for us to move in together if I can't leave this place. I've never really lived alone anyway. After I left Hogwarts I lived with you, then I stayed with my cousin in Ireland, then here. It will be nice to live alone."

"It's not safe to live alone now though."

"Well then I should really ask my best Auror friends to put up some security for me then," said Lily.

"I should bloody well hope so," said James, "We'll be over as soon as we finish work"

"Thank you"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"You know you do have your own flat now," James teased, it had been a month since Lily had moved out, but she ended up spending most of her free time at the house with James and Sirius.

"I know. Are you saying that you don't want me around Potter?" she accused.

"Not at all Evans," he grinned.

"Well…..good"

"So exactly what was the point of you moving out?" asked Remus.

"She wanted to keep her boyfriend happy," teased Sirius.

"Colin? What was his problem? This is the safest place in the wizarding community right now, except Hogwarts," said Remus.

"I was his problem," said James.

"Ah….well fair enough I suppose," said Sirius.

"I need another firewhiskey," said Lily, she really didn't want to talk about that anymore.

"It's in the kitchen where it always is," said James.

"ARGGHHH POTTER YOU LIE!!" shouted Lily a few minutes later.

"What did I do now?" gulped James, scrambling to his feet and making his way into the kitchen.

"Lily….is there something wrong?" he asked timidly, as he stepped into the kitchen.

"Where. Is. The. Firewhiskey?"

"In the cupboard," said James.

"The one in the cupboard is empty."

"Ah…..is there another one in the fridge?"

"If there was would I have needed to shout you?"

"No"

"No, which means you are out of firewhiskey."

"Lily….you're scaring me."

"I want firewhiskey I don't want to be sober tonight," she whined.

"Okay, I'll go out and get some."

"Everywhere is closed now."

"Ah…you'll have some at your place."

"I do. I do have some, yayy," cheered Lily springing into life again.

"Okay, then I'll go and get it," said James relieved to have calmed her. Lily had seemed to be much more on edge than usual recently, more prone to freak outs.

"No it's alright. I can go and get it," said Lily feeling bad that she had freaked him out so much.

"It's not safe for you to be out on your own."

"No safer than it is for you to be out on your own."

"I'm an auror."

"And more of a target."

"Lily I'm not arguing with you, you're not going out in the middle of the night on your own."

"Fine then you can come with me then."

"Fine."

-------------------------------------------------

"Tell me again why we can't apparate," hissed James, they had been walking to Lily's flat for 10 minutes, and it was freezing.

"Because some genius put up anti apparition charms…."

"For your protection…."

"I know….I know."

"We should have flown…."

"Now you tell me. We could have flown on the broomstick?"

"Yes."

"ARRGGGGHHHH MEN!!"

"Sorry I didn't realise."

"I'm going to become a lesbian."

"There is really no need for that. You didn't think of flying either."

"Shut up James."

"And if you remember correctly the only reason we are going to your flat is because you want firewhiskey."

"Alright I get it, it's my fault. GO HOME!!"

"What the hell is the matter with you?"

"Nothing."

"It's something, you don't get yourself into this state over an empty bottle of firewhiskey."

"What do you know?"

"I know you. I've known you since we were 16, I know everything about you and I know when there is something bothering you."

"There is nothing bothering me."

"Liar," said James, "Come on, you know you can tell me anything."

"There is nothing to tell," said Lily, _'at least nothing I can tell you'_

"Alright fine….just if you do want to talk to someone…."

"I know…."

-----------------------------------

THE NEXT NIGHT

James was lying in his bed, trying to work out what had been bugging Lily for the past few weeks. It couldn't be that they had slept together because neither of them had brought it up, or showed any sign that they even remembered what had happened.

"James….are you awake? I need….you….wake up," gasped Lily flinging his bedroom door open.

"I'm awake what's wrong?" asked James jumping up and stumbling over to her.

"It's…..he….I…."

"Come on calm down," said James soothingly, guiding her over to the bed so she could sit down. "Just breathe."

"I didn't know….I…."

"Come on calm down," said James pulling his arms around Lily until she calmed down.

"What happened?" he asked when she had stopped shaking.

"Colin…he…."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No…He…."

"What tell me, what did he do?"

"He proposed."

Those two little words hit James like a ton of bricks.

---------------------------------

**This is really just a filler chapter, leading up to the next two chapters. **

**Oh and I've had people asking me if Lily is pregnant and she's not, I think that would be too predictable and I've done that in my other stories so I wanted to make this one a bit different.**

**Anyway REVIEW. I'll try and get the next chapter up soon, it'll be the big fluffy emotional chapter.**


	6. Chapter 6

"_He proposed."_

_Those two little words hit James like a ton of bricks._

**Chapter 6**

"He…Colin proposed…to you….proposed marriage…him your husband….you…." said James eloquently.

"Yup," said Lily.

"Um…What did you…" said James, each word and thought causing him heartache. She couldn't marry him, she just couldn't. How could he live knowing that she, Lily had made those vows to someone else. His wife, his soulmate, his best friend, his other half…She couldn't marry Colin. He wouldn't survive that.

"I freaked….I panicked. He told me to think about it, and tell him tomorrow."

"Tomorrow…"

"He said he wants to get married quickly, without a huge fuss. Just the two of us, a few witnesses and the co-ordinator…which I guess is romantic….." babbled Lily, "I need your help"

"My help? Why do you need my help?"

"I need you to tell me what I should do"

"I can't do that Lily, I can't make this decision for you."

"What do you think I should do? What do you think would be best?" asked Lily, she was so thrown by what had happened and the only person she wanted to talk to was James. He always seemed to be able to calm her down and make her see that things weren't as bad as she thought.

"I can't tell you that. You can't ask me that," said James staring at the wall.

"Why? Why can't you tell me what you think?"

"You really want to know what I think? I mean really. I don't want to add more onto your mind."

"I want to know what my best friend thinks."

"I mean it Lily, if I say it I can't take it back."

"Tell me"

"Don't marry him," said James.

Lily took a deep intake of breath. Deep down she wasn't expecting James to tell her to marry Colin, she just needed to hear him say it.

"Come back to me…" he continued.

That she was not expecting.

"What?" she whispered. They were talking about her and Colin, what was James saying.

"Don't marry him. Come back to me. Give me a second chance…"

"I don't understand…."

"I still love you."

"James I….." said Lily shakily as she stood up.

"You told me to tell you. I'm sorry if I've just confused you more…but I do love you. I have never stopped loving you."

"I can't handle this right now….why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm sorry. I just needed you to know that…."

"I can't…..I have to…leave…" she said getting up and leaving.

"Lily…."

"No…no James. You can't do this. My boyfriend just proposed to me tonight, I'm here doubting if I love him enough to marry him…."

"You didn't hesitate when I asked…."

"Maybe I should have…"

"But…."

"No buts. Colin is a great guy, he adores me, he would never hurt me…"

"Neither would…."

"But you did, you DESTROYED ME!!" Lily screamed.

"Lily…"

"No, no you don't get to talk to me like this. You broke put me back together."

"Please, just listen to me…." Said James desperately, but when she ran from the room he didn't try and stop her or go after her.

---------------------------------------------------

"What do you mean you're leaving?" asked Sirius incredulously the next morning.

"I mean I was offered a job in Edinburgh, my family has a place up there so I'm taking it," said James numbly.

"How could you have been offered a job? You didn't say a word to anyone. What is going on?" said Sirius.

"He asked her to marry him," he sighed.

"Colin and Lily?"

"Yeah."

"Ahhhhhh"

"She came to me last night and asked me what I thought she should do."

"What did you say?" asked Sirius, who knew exactly how James felt about Lily. James had never told him, or gave any sign but he was like his brother. He knew.

"I told her not to marry him. I told her to give me a second chance. I told her I never stopped loving her."

"Right," said Sirius sitting down next to James who just looked numb, as if he wasn't aware of anything going on around him. "What did she say?"

"She said I destroyed her. I broke her and Colin put her back together."

"Oh…."

"She's going to say yes to him. I can't be around to watch her marry….I can't do it. I need to leave, I need to leave today."

"You're not even going to say goodbye to her," said Sirius.

"I can't. How can I say goodbye to Lily? How can I do that?"

"You can't just leave without a word."

"I have to. She can reach me if she wants to. I'll leave you my contact details."

"If you're sure"

"I am."

----------------------------------------------

James was walking down the garden path for the last time. Sirius was going to send all his things on to him tomorrow. He couldn't believe that he was actually leaving, that he wouldn't see Lily, Sirius and Remus everyday. But most of all Lily, how was he going to live without her?

"James….Don't go. Don't leave."

James looked where the voice was coming from, and Lily stepped out of the shadows.

"Lily…I…How did…"

"Sirius called me. Where you really going to leave…without telling me or even saying goodbye?" said Lily. James could tell by her face that she had been up most of the night, most likely in tears. Even now it looked as if she might burst into tears at any time. He could see the pain and hurt in her eyes, and it killed him.

"I'm sorry," he said not even being able to look at her. "I didn't want to hurt you…"

"So you just disappear?"

"I can't stay here…"

"Please stay….don't go"

"I have to," said James sadly.

Lily just nodded sadly, "Come visit?"

"Of course," said James.

"I can't believe you're really not going to be here tomorrow. Who's going to listen to my insane ramblings in the middle of the night?"

"I'm sure Sirius will do," said James kindly.

"He's great but he's not you."

"You'll be fine, and if you really need me send an owl."

"It's not the same, it'll never be the same."

"I know…" he said sadly.

"Good luck," said Lily sadly, then she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he whispered, into her cheek.

"Then stay."

"No."

"It's not fair."

"No it's not," he said pulling away.

"It sucks."

"It sure does," he said pulling her into a hug, "Love you," he whispered.

"I'll miss you"

"I'll miss you too."

And that was it, they pulled away and he got into a cab and went to the train station.

-----------------------------------------------

**Don't hate me!!**

**But feel free to review and shout at me.**

**Don't worry though this is not the end.**

Mhm - this is a LJ fic and I think there will be about 15 chapters.


	7. Chapter 7

"_I'll miss you"_

"_I'll miss you too."_

_And that was it, they pulled away and he got into a cab and went to the train station._

Chapter 7 

James was standing looking up at the screens to see if his train was delayed. It wasn't safe to apparate long distances anymore. Deatheaters had started to intercept, and you could end up anywhere.

Just then someone grabbed him by the collar and flung him against the brick wall.

"Sirius what the hell are you doing?" James shouted in surprise. Sirius still had him up against the wall by his neck.

"No what the hell are you doing? How could you leave her in that state? You claim to love her, but if you loved her you couldn't have done that to her," Sirius shouted.

"Who? Lily?" exclaimed James, "she was alright when I left. She was upset but she was okay."

"Well she isn't now," said Sirius letting go of James. He could tell that James was genuinely surprised, and he knew Lily didn't always show her emotions.

"Why? What happened? Is she hurt? Tell me!" demanded James.

"She is up in your room, sobbing her heart out. She won't speak to me or Remus," said Sirius.

"When did this happen?"

"As soon as you left."

"I…I thought she was okay. She seemed okay."

"You know Lily,"

"Yeah I do," sighed James. He had to go back, he couldn't leave knowing how upset she was. He would never forgive himself and more importantly Lily would never forgive him.

"We should apparate back."

"Okay," said James.

---------------------------------------

James was standing outside his bedroom door, he could hear Lily crying. Sirius wasn't exaggerating, she was really crying, heartbreaking sobs. He gently opened the door. She was lying on his bed with her back to her, curled up in a ball. James went in and sat down on the bed.

"Lily…."

"J…J…James?"

"Yeah it's me," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Wh..what are y-you doing here? Y-you sho-should be…."

"Shhhhhh……I can't leave you like this."

"I….I'm fine."

"For some reason I don't believe you," he said pulling her up into a sitting position and gently wiping the tears from her face.

"Why am I never enough?"

"What?"

"Why am I never enough? I wasn't a good enough reason for you to not sleep with…Gina."

"Lily…."

"And now I'm not a good enough reason for you to stay…"

"I…You…."

"I asked you to stay, I want you to stay…but you left anyway."

"I came back."

"Who…..Who made you?"

"You."

"Liar," she sniffed.

"Come here," he said pulling her to him, "You are enough. You're more than enough. The only reason I was leaving was you, because I couldn't….I can't watch while you marry Colin. I can't do it….and please you can't ask me to."

"I'm not," said Lily pulling away from James.

"Thank you."

"I mean I'm not getting married," said Lily holding up her hand, "I spoke to Colin this morning, I told him I couldn't marry him. We broke up, he wanted more and I couldn't give it to him."

"You did the right thing," said James, "If you were hesitating that much, then you couldn't have stood up and said til death to us part to him."

"I guess," she shrugged.

"Are you alright? About the break up I mean"

"Hmmmmm not really. He was a great, funny, kind, sweet man that loved me….and I hurt him. I didn't mean to but I did."

"It's best for him in the long run," said James. "I'm not just saying that because….of what I said last night."

"I know," said Lily, "Did you mean….you know last night…"

"Every word."

"Oh….why didn't you say anything sooner?"

"I just….I hurt you so badly before. I didn't have any right to tell you that. I thought Colin made you happy, and I just want you to be happy even if it's not with me. So I sat back and let you be happy."

"Then…why now?"

"He asked you to marry him. To be his wife, but….you're my wife…"

"I'm not your wife anymore, I haven't been for three years."

"In my heart you're still my wife, you'll always be my wife. I know I broke those vows in the worst possible way, but I knew I'd love you forever and that is one part of those vows I have kept and always will."

"I never knew…" Lily whispered.

"I know…I should have told you sooner but when I saw you again at the meeting. I couldn't risk you leaving again, it was better to have you in my life as a friend than not at all…because the two years that you were gone I just seemed to exist…I didn't feel like I was living I was just going through the motions….It's you that makes me me. When you're not here I'm…nothing."

"This….it's just so much to take in," sighed Lily, "And I'm just so tired…"

"I know, you look exhausted. Were you up all night?"

"Pretty much."

"You need to rest then," said James kindly, "You should go to sleep."

"If I do, when I wake up…will you be here?"

"Yes, I'll be here when you wake up I promise"

"Okay," said Lily lying down.

"Okay," said James lying down next to her.

"Are you going to Edinburgh tomorrow?"

"No, I'm not going to Edinburgh at all, unless you want me to."

"I don't want you to leave."

"Then I won't"

"Good," said Lily rolling over and placing her head on his chest and falling asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"I wish you would just tell me what to do. I don't know how to make you happy…" whispered James to a sleeping Lily.

Her sleeping head was resting on his chest. He had one arm round her waist, his other hand on her cheek. He couldn't help but watch her, just breathing in and out. She was so perfect, he couldn't believe she had cried because she thought he was leaving, that she cared that much about him after what he had done to her

"Not moving to Edinburgh would be a good start," she mumbled, starting to wake up.

"Um…How long have you been awake?" he asked cautiously, he had been talking to her for over an hour.

"Just a few seconds," she muttered softly, rubbing her eyes as she slowly became more awake. She yawned before continuing. "Why?"

"No reason," he said.

"We have to talk more now don't we?" she asked, not lifting her head from his chest.

"I think so," said James, "But only when you're ready. I know I dropped this on you, and it's not fair. So…."

"You should have told me that you…."

"That I still love you…"

"Yeah. You should have said something, anything. We've been living together for almost a year. How could you not say anything?"

"I told you, I want you to be happy. I thought Colin was making you happy so I kept my mouth shut."

"But all those women….loads of them…"

"Not one of them lasted more than month," said James. "Because none of them were you. How was I meant to try and love someone else when I had already married the one I was meant to be with?"

"But…How could I have not noticed anything?"

"Maybe you just didn't want to see it," he said his hand cupping the side of her face.

"But…"

"Look I understand. I've confused you and you really don't need this right now. But I can't take it back now…and I don't want to," said James, "But I do need to know one way or another if I even have a hope with you again."

"I don't know…"

"I know you don't."

"But I….you can't move to Scotland…"

"I'm not going anywhere," said James, "look my shift starts in 10 minutes. I have to go and tell them….I haven't transferred. I can't leave them short handed."

"It's okay, I know," said Lily. Even though James had officially transferred to Scotland, he was in London and he hadn't been replaced. So he had to go in just in case there was an attack.

"But I want you to know that I love you. I love you so much, and I'll never ever hurt you again and I'll do anything and spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you'll let me. Just know that, okay?" He said, passionately looking her in the eye, and she knew without a doubt that he meant it.

"Okay."

"I'll be back in the morning, I promise," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"Okay."

----

"What the hell happened to you two?" Lily demanded the next morning.

James and Sirius had just come home from their shift. Their clothes ripped and muddy and their faces all cut and scratched.

"Well, a good morning to you too," said Sirius wearily, as he all but collapsed onto the nearest chair.

"Sit down both of you. I'll clean up your faces," she sighed, getting the first aid kit out.

"Well thank you, Healer Evans," said Sirius, once Lily had cleaned up all his cuts and scrapes. "But I'm exhausted I'm going to bed."

"No problem. Good night," said Lily, now turning her attention to James' face.

"Night mate."

"Night."

"So, what happened?" she asked, gently cleaning the blood from his face.

"There was an attack in Manchester, it got a little nasty," said James.

"Didn't you get the healers to check you over?"

"There were people a lot more hurt than I am," he said, wincing as she cleaned his wounds.

"I suppose I should just be grateful that you both came back in one piece."

"We've been trained to deal with the attacks, we hardly ever lose any Aurors."

"But it does happen?"

"Sometimes," sighed James.

"You should get some sleep, you look at tired as Sirius," said Lily once she had finished cleaning his face.

"Lily…"

"I know we have to talk some more, but we can't do it when you look like a zombie. Just go and get some sleep. I have to go to work anyway. I left some food in the oven for you both."

"Thanks," said James, "But tonight?"

"Tonight we will finish talking, I promise."

"Okay then, be careful."

"I know."  
-----

"I brought food," Lily shouted as she apparated to James and Sirius' later that night.

"Oh great, I'm starving," said Sirius.

"Well, here you go and there is even enough for…..wait, what's her name this week?"

"Denise."

"Right well there is enough for Denise, you can eat it upstairs," said Lily, handing him a brown paper bag with takeaway food in it.

"I get the feeling you want rid of me," said Sirius, feigning hurt.

"You're very intuitive," remarked Lily.

"PRONGS FOOD!" Sirius shouted.

"What are we having?" grunted James, coming into the kitchen.

"Well Miss Evans has brought Chinese, and I've got my own little bag so I'll be going,"  
said Sirius, taking his bag and leaving the room.

"Alright, what are we having?" said James, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Your favorite, of course," said Lily, "Beef chow mein"

After they had finished eating, they both sat down on the sofa facing each other. Lily seemed to be confused one minute she was staring determinedly at James as if she was completely positive of what she was going to say, then she would suddenly look away as if conflicted.

"So…where are we? What do we do now?" asked James.

"Well I've thought and thought about it, all night and all day," said Lily. "Obviously there is still something between us, I mean the sex…"

"Yeah it was…wow."

"Yeah it was. There is no doubt there is still chemistry."

"But the big question is can you trust me again?" he asked, holding his breath for her answer.

"James, you're my best friend and I trust you with my life, with my biggest secret but…"

"But you can't trust me with your heart again," said James sadly.

"No, I'm so sorry" said Lily, the tears falling from her eyes again.

"It's alright, it's okay. Don't cry, you have nothing to be sorry for," said James, pulling her into his arms and rocking her back and forth.

"I wish I could just fall into your arms and say that everything can go back to the way it was. But I can't, it would be a lie," said Lily, once she had stopped crying. But she still let James hold her; she didn't pull away.

"It's okay, this is my fault. I know that." He said holding her even tighter.

"I want to though, and I think in time I can…"

"What?" asked James, allowing himself to feel some hope.

"I think that with a little time I could trust you the way I used to…"

"Seriously?" James couldn't believe what he was hearing. Lily was actually willing to give him a chance, to trust him again. He suddenly felt so light as if he could fly, there was some hope of getting back what he had thrown away, of getting the most precious thing in his life back properly.

"Yeah…"

"Take all the time you need," he laughed, he was so relieved. He thought that it was over forever.

"I will. But what I thought we could do was what we did the first time…"

"I don't understand."

"Well when we went out at school, I didn't trust you not to hurt me at first, remember?"

"Yes."

"But in the end I did. So I thought we could do it like that again."

"You mean?"

"I mean date again. Like a first date: no sex, and maybe a goodnight kiss. Start from the beginning, a fresh start. What do you think?" asked Lily suddenly nervous about her plan, and how James would react.

"I think it's a great idea," he said, looking down at her, grinning like an idiot.  
"Really?"

"Of course, and this time I am not going to screw up I promise."

"You better not, there won't be a third chance."

"I won't need one."

-----------------------------------

Well what did you all think?

And I want to thank my very helpful Beta mystrymoviebrunette.

Don't forget to review


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

JAMES' POV

Okay just pull yourself together, it's your second first date with Lily. You can do this, it's Lily, you know her better than anyone.

I have everything planned: we are having dinner at a little restaurant on the French coast, right next to the beach. I organized a secure portkey to take us there. Then we are going on a romantic stroll along the beach, since Lily loved the beach.

It's ridiculous how nervous I am. It's Lily, he had known her since they were 11. But he felt like he was 17 again, and it was their _first_ first date.

He couldn't screw this up again, he couldn't lose her again. Because if he did screw up, he wouldn't just lose any chance he had of getting his wife back, he would lose one of his best friends. No, screwing up was not an option.

---------------------------------------------

LILY'S POV

"Thank you James," I say, "I had a great time.".

We had the perfect first date. He took me to the cutest little restaurant in the South of France. It had the most amazing lobster—he knows that is my favorite—and the best French wine I have ever tasted. Then we went for a moonlight stroll on the beach, he charmed my shoes to make sure the sand didn't get inside, and so that my heels didn't sink into the sand. And he has just walked me straight to my front door, he always was a gentleman. I don't think I stopped smiling all night, he just has a way of making me feel so special. I didn't think I would feel like this about him so soon.

"I'm glad," he says , smiling. I know that smile, that smile always made and still makes me weak at the knees. Damn him for being so bloody handsome.

"We'll have to do this again," I say, grinning like a loon. I am so obvious, how can I be falling for him again after just one night, no matter how perfect?

"We will. How about Thursday night?" he asks eagerly.

"Thursday is fine," I say, not being able to stop myself from smiling.

"Great."

"Well I had a lovely time and I will see you on Thursday," I say.

He was just standing there looking at me, with that look. The James Bloody Potter look, the one that makes any woman in Britain want to jump him, me included.

Do not push up against the wall and snog him senseless. Do not push up against the wall and snog him senseless. Do not push up against the wall and snog him senseless. We are taking it slow, so there can be no snogging and absolutely no sex on the first date.

"I'll see you then."

"Thank you James," I say. And then I amaze myself and I just gently place my hand on his chest, and kiss his cheek. I really do have a lot of self control.

"No thank you, Lily," he said charmingly, then he pressed a kiss to my hand.

I went inside my flat and ran to the window so I could watch him leave my building.

-----------------------------------------------

SECOND DATE – LILY'S POV

I am stuffed. Tonight James took me to an Italian in Rome, the pasta was just so…not bought from the nearest supermarket, and the sauce was so creamy. Oh right you probably don't care about the food, but let me tell you it was amazing, I just couldn't stop eating and now I feel like I'm waddling instead of walking.

James is, as always, charming, funny, kind, sweet, and HOT. How could I have been living with him for a year, and not realize how hot he is. I mean he was always handsome and sexy but recently something is different. Maybe it is his hair.

"Did you change your hair?" I blurt out as we stop outside my front door. He insists on walking me all the way up again.

"My hair?" he says obviously surprised by my comment. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm mental now. "No I haven't changed it. I mean I tried to flatten it before I left home, you know make it look…better."

"I like your hair," I murmur, reaching up and touching his hair.

"I know," he says.

"Anyway…." I say, somewhat awkwardly removing my hand from his head. "I had a great time…again."

"Me too."

"That place was amazing."

"Thank you. It was my mother that suggested it actually."

"Your mother always did have good taste." I always liked his mother; she knew exactly how to keep him in line.

"Yeah she does, she sends her love by the way."

"Send mine back."

"Of course."

"Thank you, for another wonderful evening."

"My pleasure."

Then I stepped up on my tip toes and kissed him, on the lips this time. I had forgotten how soft they were. But we are taking things slow, so there was no tongues. Just a sweet, lingering kiss. I really am getting good at this self-control thing, I may just decide to right a self help book about it.

"You just made my year," he whispered softly into my ear.

"You know you don't have to try so hard next time," I whispered back, "It's just me, and as lovely as they are there is really no need for the lavish meals."

"I'll keep that mind," he whispers causing shivers to run up and down my spine, "and you look beautiful by the way."

"Goodnight James," I say, blushing furiously.

"Goodnight Lily," he says and I can hear the smile in his voice.

-------------------------------------------------

THIRD DATE

"Oh wow, that was awesome," Lily gushed.

James had taken her suggestion to heart, and for their third date he had taken her to a Chudley Cannons Quidditch game.

"Well Miss Evans I have to say I am shocked," said James, his eyes twinkling in amusement. "I never had you down as a Quidditch hooligan."

"Neither did I. I never really knew what you saw in that game. But it was just such a rush, watching them play and cheering."

"You were the loudest one there, and when Bones missed that goal the words coming out of your dainty little mouth would make a sailor blush."

"Well no bloody wonder, he wasn't even a meter away from it and he MISSED!"

"I know, I was there."

"It was just so much fun, and those burgers, YUM!"

"Yeah that was another shock, the burger was near enough the size of you and you practically inhaled it. You certainly can pack the food away."

"Well it's nice to know that I can still surprise you."

"It certainly is."

It was then that Lily forgot all about her self control, and she pushed up against her front door. She tugged on his shirt, pulling him down to her. It only took a second but he responded, taking over the kiss. He wrapped one arm round her waist, cradling her head with his other hand. Grinding her body closer, Lily surprised herself by her fiery response to him, had he always had this effect on her? She couldn't think enough to remember at that moment. Her hand was slowly running down his strong chest, they were almost at his belt when he broke off the kiss.

"We're taking things slow remember," he said, his breathing ragged from the kiss.

"But…" whined Lilly almost like a child.

"No." he said, running his finger down her cheek. "You said you wanted to take things slow, and I happen to know for a fact that you don't do anything until at least the 6th date,"

"You're a tease Potter," she growled.

"Perhaps. But I'm not going to risk this, not even for…that, and you know how good we are at that."

"Always the gentleman," she murmured.

"Of course," he smirked. "Lunch tomorrow?"

"Okay."

"Until then," he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Bye James."

"Bye Lily," he said then he turned and started to towards the stairs muttering something about a cold shower.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

James and Lily had been seeing each other again for a month. Things were going well with them, they had started seeing each other when they weren't on dates. James would show up every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at Lily's office to take her to lunch, he didn't have to ask it was just implied that he would be there. They were comfortable again with each other. Lily was at the house with Sirius because James wasn't home from work yet.

"So you and Prongs?" asked Sirius slyly, as he put the first aid kit away. He had just gotten back from work injured again, Lily had cleaned him up.

"What about us?" asked Lily, avoiding his eye.

"Have you done the dirty yet?"

"Sirius, that is none of your business!" exclaimed Lily.

"I was only curious, it's strange not having you here."

"We are taking things _slow_. It'll be a long, long time before we move in together again, if we ever do."

"You will. You two are made for each other, everyone knows that."

"I used to think so too. But now I don't know, but we're trying to get back to what we had," said Lily, deliberately looking away.

"You've certainly been looking very cozy lately."

"Yes, we have."

"So…"

"I am not talking about this with you," said Lily, the heat rising in her cheeks.

"Oh dear, are you blushing?" Sirius teased.

"No!" she snapped. "And if you don't shut up about it, I'll let you bleed out next time."

"You wound me with your harsh words."

"I'll wound you with more than my just harsh words in a minute."

"Oh alright, I'll shut up," laughed Sirius. "Come on, you said there was some film on the teleradio."

"It's television. A radio is where you can hear the voices but not see the people speaking," Lily explained to him for the thousandth time.

"Oh right, I forgot."

---------------------------------------------

About an hour later, Lily and Sirius were watching Sweet Home Alabama, and Lily was very amused to see that Sirius was getting quite emotional about it. Sirius was flopped down on the armchair, while Lily lounged on the sofa.

"It's just not right, they should be together. Why can everyone else see it but not them?" said Sirius emotionally, while Lily just laughed at him.

"Padfoot?" they heard James call, then the front door slam shut. "Mate, you here?"

Lily couldn't stop her face from lighting up when she heard his voice.

"In here!" Sirius shouted.

"Oh good you're back, a lot of Aurors just got stuck doing the paperwork for the week. I was lucky to get away when I did," said James.

"Well done mate, they'll be there all night," laughed Sirius.

"What am I invisible?" said Lily, who wasn't used to James not giving her his full attention.

"Of course not, hi," said James, leaning down and giving Lily a kiss.

"Hi," she smiled. "You hungry?"

"Starving," said James.

"Okay, you go upstairs and get changed and I'll heat up some food for you," said Lily.

"Thanks you're the best," he said.

"Yeah and just you remember that," she said, pressing another kiss to his lips.

"Oh please get a room," said Sirius.

"You're just jealous," smirked James.

----------------------------------------------

"James, Sirius, are you home?"

Lily, James and Sirius were still watching television. Sirius was still on the armchair, and Lily and James were cuddled up on the sofa. When they heard that voice, they all looked at each other slightly panicked.

"Um…in here Mum," James called awkwardly.

"Would you look at the state of this place? Have you boys never thought of picking up after yourself?" said Miriam Potter as she came into the living room. She was an attractive woman, who had grown old gracefully. She was just over 5 foot, greying hair and hazel eyes exactly like James.

"Hi Mum," said James, getting up and hugging his mother.

"Oh, hello dear."

"Nice to see you Mum," said Sirius, getting up and hugging her after James.

"What happened to your face?" she demanded, pulling away.

"They always come back like that, I don't know if it's Quidditch or it's actually an attack like they say," said Lily.

"Oh Lily dear, come here," said Miriam, hugging Lily.

"It's lovely to see you Miriam. Tea?"

"Please."

"I hope these two don't have you running around after them," said Miriam when Lily gave her some tea.

"No, they just need a little help otherwise they would live like pigs," said Lily.

"Well don't you let them take advantage of you," said Miriam sternly, "and I am holding you responsible for making sure that doesn't happen." She said, pointing straight to James.

"Me?"

"Yes you. Look after her this time or you'll have me to answer to," said Miriam sternly.

"I will," said James quickly.

'I know she means well, but Miriam she makes it sound like James abused me or treated me badly and he never did. Well except when he cheated. But other than that…he never hit me or hurt me in anyway'

"You better," said Miriam. "And you better keep it in your pants. I almost killed him the last time, I couldn't believe it. I could barely even look at him when he told us what he had done."

"Mum, do we have to talk about this?" said James, slipping his arm round Lily's waist and pulling her closer to him on the sofa.

"Oh right sorry. This can't be very pleasant for you dear," said Miriam.

"Um…no it's not," said Lily quietly.

"I'm sorry," James whispered softly into her ear.

"It's okay," she said, leaning into his body slightly.

"Okay we won't say another word about it," said Miriam. "Oh and before I forget, you didn't RSVP Lily"

"RSVP to what?" asked James. Lily hadn't said anything to him.

"The ball of course," laughed Miriam.

"I know I'm sorry I meant to. I will be there, though."

Every year, a lavish ball was thrown at the Potter mansion. This was the first one Lily would attend since she and James had divorced. It was a big traditional affair, full of influential people. But worst of all was the opening dance, where all the members of the Potter family opened the ball with a formal dance. She used to do it with James, but she wasn't his wife anymore, so he would probably do it with someone else.

"Oh good," said Miriam.

"Wait! How come she got an invitation but we didn't?" asked Sirius, outraged.

"As if you two need an invitation," scoffed Miriam. "But before you get yourself into a state, here are your invitations." She handed James and Sirius an envelope each.

"Subtle, mum, real subtle," said James, rolling his eyes.

"What? Let me see," said Lily taking the invitation from him.

"And me," demanded Sirius, snatching it from Lily.

The invitation was addressed to James Potter and guest, but next to that, in Miriam's handwriting, was: "If said guest is not Lily Evans, stay home!"

"Subtlety never was your strong point," said Lily.

"What? I'm excited you two are back together, I might get some grandchildren yet," exclaimed Miriam.

"Mum…"

"I know, I know you're taking it slow. Blah, Blah, Blah."

"Don't worry, mate. It's not just you, she wrote on mine too. Apparently I am not allowed to bring a girl I met in a 'bar or public toilet'," said Sirius, reading verbatim off of his invitation.

"And nothing too fluffy either," said Miriam.

"We are still talking about his date?" asked Lily.

"Yes. But you know what he is like. I don't want to make small talk with some simpering, whining, annoying bunny."

"Bunny?" laughed Lily.

"What else am I meant to call them?"


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 

"Hey why the long face?" asked Lily. It was the night of the ball, she had just arrived at the Potter mansion. James had gotten there earlier to help his parents with the preparations.

"Nobody thinks I can do it," said James, darkly as he looked out of the huge bay window.

"Do what?"

"Make this work with us. They all think I'm going to muck up and hurt you again. Even my dad and Sirius. They think I'm going to cheat again."

"I don't think you will," said Lily, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"But…"

"Isn't my opinion the only one that matters in the end?"

"Yeah of course, I'm sorry." He turned round to face her, and when he saw her took a deep intake of breath. "Wow, you look…wow."

"Thank you," said Lily. She was wearing an ivory dress with an emerald green belt. The dress had a fitted corset top, then the green belt. The skirt was a long flowing one, shaped almost like a bell. She was wearing her hair up, with just a few curls hanging loosely down.

"You look sensational, I'm a lucky man," said James giving her a quick, sweet kiss.

"You are," smiled Lily, she loved it when he complimented her because there was something in the way he said it where she knew he meant it. "You don't look too bad yourself."

"Why thank you."

"You're welcome," said Lily, wrapping her arms around his neck. "What time did you say everyone was arriving?"

"Any minute now," said James.

"You okay? I assume you and your dad had words."

"Yeah, we did."

"Look, I know you, and I don't think you're going to cheat on me. I trust you," said Lily.

"You do?"

"I do."

"Thank you." He said sincerely, pulling her closer.

"James, I know everyone has been giving you a hard time about…"

"I deserve it."

"Yes, you do. But they think they are looking out for us. Before we got together in school you were a player. You dated 5 girls at a time, new ones every week…"

"Until you."

"Until me. Then you cheat on me and go back to your old ways. They think that you truly are a player and you only want me because I'm the only one that ever put up a fight."

"It's not, I swear…"

"I know. I know that. I know that you only dated so much in school because you could and I wasn't interested in you. And I know that what we had together was real. You weren't cheating on me all along, you weren't even thinking about it."

"I wasn't."

"And I know that you made a mistake and you've spent three years hating yourself for it. That was why it was so easy to forgive you and become friends with you when I came back, because I saw how much you hated yourself for what you did."

"What did I ever do to deserve you in the first place, never mind a second chance?" he asked, his adoration for her plain to see.

"Mmmm… I ask myself the same thing," said Lily, pulling his lips down to meet hers.

---------------------------------------------

"I have been looking for you everywhere," said James about an hour later.

He had to go and greet the guests with his parents, by the time he was finished Lily had disappeared. He had just found her in the wild flower garden, one of many on the Potter estate, but this one had always been her favourite.

"Oh sorry," said Lily, turning round to face him. "It's been a while since I was here. I love this garden."

"I remember," said James, pulling his arms around her waist. "Are you cold?"

"No, I'm okay. Don't feel you have to move though," said Lily. She was enjoying having his arms wrapped round her.

"I won't," he said.

"Are you feeling better now? About what your dad and Sirius said?"

"Yeah you were right. The only person that matters is you and what you think."

"Exactly. Now come on, Mr. Potter, we better get back inside. Your mum will be wanting to open the ball soon," said Lily, turning in James' arms to face him.

"I guess," he sighed, resting his forehead against hers.

"It's not that bad," she said. She knew he didn't really like formal balls, with all the traditions.

"No, this year is definitely not as bad as the past two years."

"Flattery will get you nowhere."

"What if it's true?"

"Come on, you charmer, get inside," she laughed.

"Okay, but one quick question first," he said.

"What?"

"Dance the first dance with me?"

"Alright," she said.

"Come on then," he said, giving her a quick kiss on the tip of her nose.

----------------------------------------------------

"They are all talking about you two, you know that, right?" said Sirius who was hiding under the table.

"Are you trying to look up my dress?" teased Lily.

"Padfoot, if you…" started James.

"Oh shut up, you moron, he's not looking," laughed Lily.

"Oh, right…" muttered James.

"Not that given half the chance I wouldn't try…" said Sirius, before Lily swiftly kicked his shoulder.

"You wouldn't get half a chance," laughed Lily. "So what or rather who are hiding from?"

"Mum, she is after my blood," said Sirius fearfully.

"And why is that?"

"She, um….didn't approve of my choice of date," said Sirius, looking around frantically.

"He brought a bunny," giggled Lily, trying to muffle her giggles in James' shoulder.

"I thought she was lovely girl…" said Sirius, pointlessly trying to defend himself.

"A lovely girl? Is that the 'lovely girl' over there in the feather boa, asking mum to feel her implants?"

"Oh god," howled Sirius. "She is going to murder me."

"She sure is, so you better stay put," said Lily, pulling the tablecloth over his head so he was once again out of sight. "We'll sneak you some food later."

"Thank you, dear," they heard him say from under the table.

"He is right, though," James whispered to Lily as they made their way over to the bar.

"About what?"

"Everyone is talking about us."

"Let them talk," she said, pressing a kiss to his lips.

"I couldn't agree more."

"Great, now be a good boy and get me a drink," she told him.

"You tell him," said Miriam, appearing next to them.

"Hi Mum," said James, kissing her on the cheek.

"Hello dear. Don't you look handsome," she said, pinching his cheek.

"Mum," he groaned.

"Oh I know, and Lily you look beautiful as ever," said Miriam.

"Thank you Miriam. You look lovely too," said Lily.

"Drink, Mum?"

"Double Vodka," said Miriam. "My feet are killing me, and I have to talk to so many boring people and keep a smile on my face."

"Coming up."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"And those deep chocolate eyes…and that hair…it just makes me weak at the knees… Oh, take me now, you sex god!" Lily said in an overly dramatic manner.

Lily and James had just overheard a gang of women talking about him, and Lily had decided to go out into the garden and mock them.

"I'm glad you find amusement in it…" he grumbled good-naturedly.

"And his bum is just…" she searched for the right word, "the most perfect thing ever…" she sighed dramatically. "James Potter is just ever so dreamy."

"Oh god," he muttered.

"What's the matter Jamesy? Don't you enjoy hearing your fan club gush?" she teased. She loved how easily he got embarrassed about it.

"Of course I do," said James cockily. "I mean my bum is perfect."

James turned round and started to wiggle his bum in Lily's direction.

"Come on Evans, don't tell me you don't love it," he said as he started to sing a little tune to go along with his dance.

Lily just shrieked in laughter at his display.

"I don't think you're ready for this jelly. I don't think you're ready for this jelly. I don't think you're ready for this 'cause my body too bootylicious for ya babe. Baby, can you handle this? Baby, can you handle this? Baby, can you handle this? I don't think you can handle this," James sang, all the while shaking his ass.

By now Lily was collapsed onto a nearby bench, tears of laughter running down her cheeks.

"Had enough?" he asked.

"Yes," she managed to choke out.

"Alright then, although I'm not sure if I should be a little insulted that you find my dance so amusing," he said, sitting down next to Lily.

"That was hilarious," she said, managing to calm down.

"Glad I could amuse you," smiled James, kissing the top of her head.

"You certainly did."

"It's been a while since we've been here," he said.

"I know," said Lily, resting her head on his shoulder. "I love this place. The staircases, the huge library and how every room is completely different. And I love the gardens, they're just so peaceful."

"I know. I mean I grew up here and I still love it. And I love that you love it."

"And you can still discover new rooms?"

"Yeah I can, I found another drawing room just last month. None of us can even draw yet we've got 3 drawing rooms."

"See? This house is amazing."

"And it'll be ours one day," said James with a twinkle in his eye.

"You mean yours?"

"No, I mean ours. I can picture it now, with lots of kids running around and you shouting at me for not picking my wet towels up off the bathroom floor."

"You've got it all planned out, don't you?"

"I sure do, and you are a huge part of it whether you like it or not," said James, pulling arm round Lily's shoulder.

"Good."

----------------------------------------

"Sirius? Sirius…?" Lily whispered loudly as she was crouched down almost under the table with a plate of food in her hand.

"What on earth are you doing?"

Lily looked up and saw James, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

"I'm trying to give your best mate some food, but I lost him," Lily explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh right. Want a hand?" he said.

"Yes."

James wolf whistled and sure enough Sirius head poked out, his head almost completely covered by the white tablecloth.

"A bit of discretion, please mate," he said fearfully.

"Oh don't worry, Miriam is in the drawing room," said Lily. "I just wanted to give you this."

"You are an angel, an absolute angel," said Sirius, taking the plate. "I would kiss you, if Prongs wasn't so possessive."

"I'm not!" yelped James.

"Yes you are, dear, you haven't left my side all night and god forbid someone else should ask me to dance," said Lily.

"Well I…"

"See, I am very wise," said Sirius with his mouth full.

"Yeah, so wise, you're hiding under a table," said James, pulling the tablecloth over Sirius' face.

"That was mean," said Lily.

"Well perhaps, but I didn't want to give him the chance to look up your dress again."

"He wasn't. Sirius sees me as more of a sister," said Lily.

"You tell him," came Sirius' muffled input from under the table.

"Let's get out of here, I hate this," James whispered into Lily's ear.

"We can go to my favourite room in the whole house," she said her whole face lighting up.

"The kitchen?"

"No, you idiot."

-----------------------------------------------

"This is your favourite room in the whole house?" said James.

"Yeah," said Lily looking round, "and it hasn't changed a bit."

They were in James' old bedroom, and Lily was right. It hadn't changed at all since his teenage years. His huge round bed was in the middle of the room, with the Chudley Cannons bedding on it. Stacks of Quidditch magazines, and the typical teenage boy magazines were stacked in the corner. Quidditch posters hung on the walls. Even his old school books were lying in the closet. He even still had the picture of the him, Lily, Sirius, Remus and Peter on the their graduation day next to his bed.

"No, it hasn't. Mum kept exactly the way it was on the day I moved out," said James, looking around.

"I remember that day, she kept sneaking food into your pockets and the boxes. You ended up taking more food than clothes," said Lily, smiling at the memory.

"I remember. Do you remember the night before I moved you, when we were up here 'packing' for hours?" said James with a wolfish grin on his face.

"I remember, eventually we had to use magic to put your stuff into boxes," laughed Lily.

"That was amazing," he grinned.

"It certainly was fun," smiled Lily.

"Have I told you how ecstatic I am that you gave me another chance?"

"Yes, you have, and I get the feeling you're going to tell me again."

"You're a very intuitive woman…"

"Do me favor?"

"What?"

"Don't tell me. Show me," she said, pulling her to him by his belt loops.

-----------------------------------

Thanks again to my fabby beta Mystrymoviebrunette


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 

It was the morning after the ball. James was at Lily's flat. She was still asleep and he was lying next to her watching her sleep. Elated didn't even begin to describe how he felt at that moment. He was lying next to her, watching Lily sleep just like he had done the last time they had slept together, except this time was so much different. He knew she wouldn't feel guilty when she woke up, and she wouldn't hate him. In fact, he was even allowed to hold her, kiss her, and love her again.

He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"Uh…not now Colin…let me wake up first…" Lily grumbled, rolling over.

"Colin?" whispered James, sounding hurt. "Colin? You thought I was him?"

"Huh…what? James…" said Lily, suddenly waking up and sitting straight up.

"Now you know my name," James huffed, getting out of bed.

"Oh James don't be mad, it was just a slip of the tongue. I was half asleep," groaned Lily, following James into the living room.

"Yeah right," said James stiffly, as he pulled on his clothes.

"What are you doing?" sighed Lily.

"Going home to get changed before work," he snapped.

"James…don't be angry…"

"What else am I meant to be? You called me your ex boyfriend's name, the one that proposed to you a month ago!" James shouted.

"I'm sorry!"

"Right," said James, "I'm off."

Before Lily could say anything or stop him he had stormed out the front door.

---------------------------------------

"Hey, are you okay?" Remus asked Lily.

She was at headquarters looking for James, because the Order was having a meeting which was about to start. Lily hadn't had a chance to talk to James that day.

"Yeah, I just need to talk to James," she said, craning her neck to look around for James. "We had a bit of a fight this morning, and now he isn't speaking to me."

"What did you do? He never stops speaking to you," said Remus.

"I called him Colin, in bed this morning."

"Ah…"

"Yeah, I was half asleep and it just slipped out. He heard and now he won't speak to me," sighed Lily.

"He'll come round, he always does," Remus reassured her.

"I guess," she sighed. "Come on the meeting is starting."

"Alright," said Lily, going into the meeting room. James was there. He looked at her when she walked in, then he deliberately looked away.

"James…" said Lily at the end of the meeting, as he was filing out with everyone else.

He brushed past her.

"Come on, you're going to have to talk to me sometime!" she said, catching up with him. He was heading towards his bedroom. "You're acting as if I've done something terrible! I didn't kill someone or cheat! I didn't sleep with someone else like you did!" She was starting to get mad at the way he was acting (now).

"That was a mistake," said James angrily.

"So was what I did this morning! Except mine wasn't half as bad as yours!"

"I thought we were past this."

"Yeah we are. I got past that, can't you get past being called Colin? It's not that big of a deal, James. So stop being such a baby and grow up."

"Grow up? You called me…"

"I know, I know and I'm sorry, but it was just a habit."

"Was it? Are you sure? Maybe it was a subconscious way of you telling me that you think you made a mistake. That you can't forgive me for sleeping with someone else, and that you do want to be with him again."

"Is that what you really think? That I am so stupid I don't know my own mind, that I don't know what I feel and who I feel them for?" said Lily, the hurt evident on her face.

"I don't know. Maybe," said James, not looking at her.

"If that is how you feel, fine," said Lily, backing away.

"Where are you going?"

"As far away from you as I can get. If you don't trust me to know what I want, then this is over," said Lily sadly, then she disappeared down the hall and out of sight.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"What do you mean it's over?" Sirius asked James that night.

"I mean she told me we're finished," said James, taking another swig of fire whiskey. He had been drinking constantly since Lily left.

"What the hell happened? You two were the perfect couple last night! What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything."

"Tell me everything."

"Everything was fine last night, better than fine," James explained. "But then this morning she was… she called me Colin as she woke up…"

"Ouch."

"Yeah," said James, polishing off the fire whiskey.

"Then what?"

"Then I got mad and left," said James, getting to his feet and grabbing another bottle of fire whiskey.

"Do you really think that is helping?"

"It's how I got through it last time," said James, swigged right out the bottle.

"Right, then what happened?" asked Sirius. He hated seeing his best friend so miserable. He knew he had to help fix things with Lily. Those two were meant for each other.

"Then she tried to talk to me after the meeting, I ignored her," he said, sighing. "God, why did I ignore her? Why couldn't I just tell her it didn't matter?"

"Because you're a twat," said Sirius simply.

"I am," James nodded sadly. "Then I accused her not really wanting me. I told her I thought she thought she made a mistake and that she really wanted to be with Colin."

"You're a bloody moron," Sirius said, almost laughing at the stupidity of it.

"Then she brought up Gina, and we both lost our tempers," James finished pitifully.

"You're both idiots," Sirius said dismissively, shaking his head with frustration over the whole situation between the two of them. "You broke up because she accidentally, emphasis on accidentally, called you Colin!"

"She ended it."

"You were being a wanker!"

"I know."

"That's it!" Sirius shouted, jumping off the couch, walking to the door and holding it open. "Get off your arse, go find her, and talk this thing out! I'm willing to bet she's just as miserable as you are!"

"Okay," said James, trying to get to his feet but stumbling on his way to the door.

"Maybe once you've sobered up mate." Sirius closed the door and helped James back to the couch.

"Alright," James slurred.

---------------------------------------------------

"EVANS!" Sirius shouted the next morning. James was still sleeping off his hangover at headquarters, so Sirius decided to wake Lily up at the crack of dawn. He had let himself into her flat. "EVANS!"

"Am I in hell yet?" he heard her croak.

Sirius turned and saw Lily standing the doorway of her bedroom. She looked awful, her hair was sticking up at odd ends and she still had on the same clothes she had the day before. It seemed she coped with the fight the same way James had, she got drunk. And now they were both suffering for it.

"Well, well. Is the delicate little flower a tad hung over?" Sirius teased.

"Fuck off, Black," she groaned.

"Charming."

"If you won't leave, then make yourself usefully and make me some coffee," grumbled Lily, heading for the bathroom.

--------------------------------------------------

"Well don't you look better now," said Sirius cheerily.

Lily had just come out of the shower, she was now wearing a dressing gown, and looked anything but better.

"I feel like death," she moaned, grabbing a cup of coffee.

"Well drink up, the hangover potion should be brewed in 10 minutes," said Sirius.

"You made hangover potion?"

"I did."

"Oh I could kiss you but…"

"But you'd probably end up puking on me instead," Sirius finished.

"With the way I'm feeling right now, yeah. But thank you."

"No problem," said Sirius. "You get the potion on one condition."

"Ah... what is it?" groaned Lily. If she knew Sirius, and she did, she was not going to like this condition.

"Take James some. He got himself in a right state last night."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes, you broke up with him. So you have to make the first move."

"I hate you at times," Lily grumbled.

"You love me, dear."

"This potion better be worth it."

"You know you want to fix things with him anyway," said Sirius, stirring the simmering potion.

"Do I?"

"Do you want to lose him forever?"

"No."

"Well then, just go and see him. You know James, he'll probably do most of the talking," said Sirius, tipping some of the potion into a vial and handing it to Lily.

"Fine," said Lily before downing the potion.

"Atta girl."

"Just give me half an hour to make myself look human," she said, walking back to the bathroom.

"I'll just leave the potion here," Sirius called after her then he left.

-----------------------------------------------

James felt like shit. He had just woken up with the mother of all hangovers and they were out of hangover potions. He could have sworn there were more left… oh well, he'd just have to brew more. He could barely open his eyes, but he had been making hangover potion since he was 15.

"You look like you really need this," he heard. He knew that sweet voice. It was her. She had come back.

He turned and he saw a blob with a blob of red on top. It was definitely her, she was holding something out to him. He reached out and felt it. It was a vial, she had brought him some hangover potion. She was an angel.

"Thank you," said James as he gulped the potion down.

"I thought we should talk. Or rather, Sirius thought we should talk. He blackmailed me into coming here," said Lily, looking at James's disheveled state. "But I'll…uh…wait. You should go and shower first."

"Okay… but you'll be here when I come back down, right?"

"I have the day off work, take your time," said Lily, sitting down at the kitchen table and starting to reach for the Daily prophet.

"Okay, I won't be long."

-----------------------------------------------

"Lily…? Lily?" called James. He had had a shower and got dressed, but when he came back down to the kitchen, Lily was gone.

"What?" came Lily's voice. He breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn't left, she was just in the other room.

"I thought you had gone," he said, coming into the living room.

"No, I was just tidying up after you. Honestly your mother was right, you two are complete pigs," said Lily, carrying a pile of dirty clothes into the kitchen.

"Leave that, I'll do it later," said James, taking the clothes from her and putting them on the floor.

"No, you won't, they will just lie there until they walk to the washing machine," said Lily, placing her hands on her hips.

"Alright I'll do it now," said James, picking the clothes up and stuffing them into the washing machine and turning it on. "Happy now?"

"Yes."

"So what's going on?" asked James, placing his hand on her cheek. "What are we doing? Is this really over?"

"I don't want us to be over," said Lily. James' voice was just so sincere, it made her want to cry. She didn't want to hurt him, but she did she could tell just by his voice that she had.

"Me neither. I don't want to lose you again. I don't want to lose what we have," he said, his hand now stroking her hair. "I'm sorry I was such a twat."

"I'm sorry I started all this, I didn't mean to say it. I was half asleep and I'm not used to waking up with you. I know I'm making excuses but I'm really sorry," said Lily, resting her head on his shoulder.

"That's okay, it's alright. And you better get used to waking up with me, because if you think I am not going to spend any unnecessary time away from you, you've got another think coming," said James, wrapping his arms around his and pulling her closer.

"I'm sorry I brought up Gina. I really am. I know I can't throw that in your face every time we have an argument, it's not fair."

"I'm sorry, I said you thought you made a mistake. I know you know what you feel and for whom. I'm sorry I said otherwise."

"It's okay. It was such a stupid argument, we both overreacted. Can we just forget it happened?" said Lily, looking up at James.

"Yeah," he said, pulling her into a kiss.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

"Lily," James whispered. They had been up is his room all afternoon, 'making up'. He wasn't sure if she was asleep or not. She was lying on top of his with her head nuzzled into his shoulder.

"Hmmmmm," she moaned. She was exhausted and felt like she was just about to drift off to sleep.

"I love you," said James uncertainly. He hadn't told her he loved her since they had gotten back together. He wasn't sure how she would react, he didn't want to scare her off.

"I know," she mumbled.

She opened her eyes, and looked up at James. She paused nervously, and rested her head back down on his shoulder.

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"What?" said James surprise evident in his voice. "Do you? Do you really?"

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't," she said sleepily.

"Say it again," said James, grinning like a little kid at Christmas

"I love you," Lily told him, smiling softly.

James lifted Lily's head and kissed her, softly at first, then deeper.

"Ugh not again, I'm exhausted," she groaned.

"What's the matter, Evans? Can't keep up?" he teased, as he flipped her over so he was on top.

"Can't keep up?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Suddenly she was feeling wide awake again. "That's it, Potter you asked for it."

Then she flipped him over and got on top…

-------------------------------------------------

"James! Sirius!" Miriam called, as she came in the back door, carrying three big brown paper bags.

"Mum, what are you doing here?" asked Sirius and he came into the kitchen and took two of the brown bags from her.

"You sent me a letter. Is it true?" said Miriam, sitting her bag down.

"Is what true?"

"Have they broken up again?" she demanded.

"That… uh yeah, the last time I spoke to either of them that was the case," said Sirius.

"I've been to Lily's flat, she isn't there. I hope she hasn't left again. I don't think James could take it, if she has," said Miriam as she began unpacking the bags, they were full of food containers.

"And the food? Where does that come in?" asked Sirius.

"To console him. He needs some good food inside him, otherwise he'll just drink himself to death," said Miriam.

"Uh… right," said Sirius. _Should __I__ tell her about last night?_, Sirius thought to himself. _No__ that wouldn't be a good idea._

"Where is James? Normally he can smell my Yorkshire puddings a mile away," said Miriam.

"I don't think he's home," said Sirius.

"Who's that?" asked Miriam, listening intently. She could've sworn she heard voices.

"Come on, let's go back to bed," whined James.

"I'm starving," said Lily, dragging him along to the kitchen. "For food, not for… that. So take that look of your face."

"Miriam!" exclaimed Lily when she pulled James into the kitchen. She was not expecting to see Miriam. Automatically she looked surprised, it was so obvious what she and James had been doing. She was wearing a pair of sweats and one of James' shirts, her hair was a mess and she was pretty sure James had left a hickey on her collarbone, which was currently _very _visible. James was in only his boxers, and an open shirt.

"Lily, how nice to see you, both of you!" said Miriam, then she whispered to Sirius. "I thought no one was home."

"I didn't think anyone was home. I've been here for 3 hours and I haven't seen or heard them," said Sirius so that Lily and James could hear. "You gotta love the silencing charms."

"Oh look, you're making them blush," said Miriam.

Lily and James were blushing. Lily had actually decided to almost hide behind James.

"Oooooh food, is that your Yorkshire pudding?" said Lily, forgetting all about her embarrassment after spotting the bags that Miriam had brought.

"Yes dear, help yourself," said Miriam, holding out the container.

"Oh yum," said Lily, taking the container and taking a fork out of the drawer. She sat down and started to eat.

"So what are you doing here mum? And with enough food to feed an army?" asked James.

"Well I heard from some very unreliable source, that the two of you broke up last night so I came to make sure you weren't drinking yourself into oblivion," said Miriam.

"I am not an unreliable source! This morning they were broken up!" exclaimed Sirius indignantly.

"Well clearly, they aren't now!" said Miriam, gesturing at their state of undress.

"Clearly," smiled James.

"So did you remember the contraceptive charm?" asked Miriam, causing James to look appalled and Lily to almost choke on her food.

"Mum!"

"What I'm only asking? It's not like we don't know what you two were up to," said Miriam.

"Kill me now," muttered Lily in between mouthfuls.

"Don't worry about our contraception, Lily is on the muggle pill," said James without embarrassment. He was used to his mother's personal, humiliating questions.

"And you have remembered to take it?" asked Miriam.

"Yes, every single day. I haven't missed one in 4 months," said Lily, her face so red it rivaled her hair.

"Ah pity," said Miriam.

"What? We are being very careful, most Mothers would be glad about that," said James.

"Is it so wrong for me to hope that you get her pregnant? I want grandchildren, and I want to see you two happy and back together again," said Miriam.

"We are happy and back together," said James.

"I don't see a ring on her finger."

"Just give me time, mother," grinned James.

"Miriam I love you dearly, but this conversation is far too weird for me. So I'm going to take the chocolate cake and go into the next room," said Lily.

"Sometime you are so selfish," said James, blocking her way. "Aren't you going to share the cake?"

"No, I wasn't going to. There is plenty of food there," said Lily gesturing to the food.

"What if I want chocolate cake?"

"Then too bad."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 

"You're back early," said Lily. James had just apparated to her flat, but his shift didn't end for another 4 hours.

"Yeah, they sent me home," said James.

Lily was sitting on the sofa, going over a report. James was looking out the window with his back to her.

"Why?" asked Lily, putting her pen down. Something was wrong with him, she knew it was.

"I don't know how to tell you this."

"Just tell me," said Lily, highly worried now.

"I didn't have a choice, you need to know that. I couldn't say no, but I don't want to…" babbled James, still not turning round to face Lily.

"James, you're starting to scare me. Just tell me what it is," said Lily, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I have to go away," said James quietly.

"Away?"

"On a mission, undercover."

"For how long?" asked Lily. She knew that as part of his job, he sometimes did have to go undercover for a few weeks.

"I don't know, but they said at least 3 months."

"3 months," repeated Lily slowly, hating the way those words sounded as she said them.

"At least, which means it could be more like 6."

"6 months," whispered Lily, her chest feeling painfully tight. "You'll be gone for 6 months?"

"Probably," said James, turning to face her. She looked shell shocked. "I'm sorry, you know I couldn't say no."

"I know, but…" she said, still trying to wrap her mind around it. "6 months."

"It's a long time, I know," said James, running finger down her cheek.

"Undercover…that means we can't even write to each other, right?"

"Right."

"James…" said Lily tearfully, tugging on his arm and hugging him.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," James told her, trying with all his might not to cry too. "If anyone else could have done it…"

"I know," said Lily, snuggling closer into his chest. "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow night," said James, running his hands through her hair.

"That's…" she searched for the right word, shock evident in her face, "soon."

"I know."

"I'll miss you so much," said Lily, clinging to him.

"I'll miss you too. I love you Lily. Remember that and know that how I feel won't change no matter how long I'm gone."

"Okay."

"Come on," said Lily, pulling away and taking his hand.

"Where are we going?"

"To make the most of our last night together," she smiled, tugging him along.

------------------------------------------------------------

Don't wish it away  
Don't look at it like it's forever  
Between you and me  
I could honestly say  
That things can only get better

"Make sure you come back in one piece," said Miriam. She, Lily and Sirius were at headquarters saying goodbye to James. He was due to leave in ten minutes.

"I'll do my best," said James, hugging his mother again.

"See that you do," Miriam said, using her infamous mock-stern voice.

"Love you mum," he said, kissing her cheek.

"Love you too, dear," said Miriam.

"Is it okay if I talk to Lily alone for a minute?" said James, taking Lily by the hand.

"Sure," said Sirius, nodding. He and James had already said goodbye. Sirius had made a promise to James to look after Lily and see that she was alright.

_And while I'm away  
Dust out the demons inside  
And it won't be long  
Before you and me run  
To the place in our hearts  
Where we hide_

James led Lily into his old room. He turned to her, and he saw that she looked as unhappy as he felt. In fact, her eyes were starting to fill up.

"Come on don't cry," he said, pulling her into his arms. "It's not like I'm going forever."

"It could be. You don't know that you'll ever come back," said Lily, her voice muffled.

_And I guess that's why  
They call it the blues  
Time on my hands  
Could be time spent with you  
Laughing like children  
Living like lovers  
Rolling like thunder under the covers  
And I guess that's why  
They call it the blues_

"I'll do everything and anything to make sure I come back."

"I know you will."

"There is something I want to tell you, and you have to let me get it out. So don't interrupt, okay?"

"Okay," said Lily, pulling away from him and looking up at his face.

_Just stare into space  
Picture my face in your hands  
Live for each second  
Without hesitation  
And never forget I'm your man_  
_Without me girl  
Cry in the night if it helps  
But more than ever I simply love you  
More than I love life itself_

"Now I don't know how long I'll be gone," James started, trying to keep his voice level and remember everything he had to say. "It could be months, it could be years. It takes as long as it takes. So although I love you—and I love you more than anything in the world—I know it will be hard on you. So… when I come back, and you haven't waited… if you find someone else." He sucked in a quick breath and continued, thinking carefully about the wording of his next few sentences. "I won't think any less of you… I mean I will understand… I won't but still… it's okay if you do. I want you to be happy, I don't want you to be lonely or miserable…"

And I guess that's why  
They call it the blues  
Time on my hands  
Could be time spent with you  
Laughing like children  
Living like lovers  
Rolling like thunder under the covers  
And I guess that's why  
They call it the blues

"Are you done?" Lily asked, smiling at how silly he was being.

"Uh…" he said, thinking about it. "Yeah I am."

Lily pulled his head down to meet hers, and kissed him as if her life depended on it.

"You listen to me," Lily said, mimicking Miriam's stern voice as she straightened James's collar. "I love you and I will wait as long it takes for you to come back."

Wait on me girl  
Cry in the night if it helps  
But more than ever I simply love you  
More than I love life itself

"I just… I meant…"

"I don't care what you meant. I am going to be here when you get back, whenever that might be. I love you and I don't want anyone else," she said, staring intently into his eyes.

"But…"

"James, I'm starting to think you want me to find someone else," Lily said indignantly, taking a step away from James.

"Of course I don't. But you shouldn't have to suffer…"

"I'm going to suffer though, because you're not here. But I can take it as long as you come back to me."

"You mean it?"

"Yes," said Lily, kissing him again. "You better be going."

"I know," he said, pressing his forehead against hers. "I love you."

"Love you more."

And I guess that's why  
They call it the blues  
Time on my hands  
Could be time spent with you  
Laughing like children  
Living like lovers  
Rolling like thunder under the covers  
And I guess that's why

They call it the blues


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

3 WEEKS AFTER JAMES' LEFT

"Sirius, I need your help!" said Lily, bursting into his kitchen.

"What? What do you need?" asked Sirius, panicked by the urgency in Lily's voice.

"I need you to look at something for me!"

"Is that all? Good God woman, you scared the life out of me!" said Sirius, thinking she wanted him to look over a report for her.

"Well it's scaring the life out of me," said Lily, her voice all squeaky.

"What do you want me to look at?" asked Sirius, getting worried now. Lily didn't get worked up over nothing.

"I think I'm pregnant…" she said breathlessly, disillusionment splattered across her face.

"What? How the hell did that happen?" Sirius spluttered.

"The night before James left… I think we were in too much of a hurry to remember the charm and… the pill is missing… we screwed up and now I think I'm pregnant… my period…" ranted Lily frantically.

"Arrrgghhhhh I don't want to know about _that!_" shouted Sirius, sticking his fingers in his ears.

"Stop being a baby and help me, damn it!" shouted Lily, pulling his fingers out of his ears.

"Alright, alright, but no more girly talk," said Sirius dramatically.

"Fine, I am going upstairs to do this test," said Lily, holding up the pregnancy test she had just bought. "And when I'm done, I need you to go and look at the result."

"Why?"

"Because I'm afraid to!" said Lily, storming up to the bathroom.

"Well what did it say?" asked Lily, urgently once Sirius had checked her test.

"It said it was positive. You're pregnant…" said Sirius dazed.

"Are you sure?"

"I checked it five times," Sirius told her emphatically. "You're pregnant."

"Oh my god. What am I going to do?" gasped Lily, sinking into the nearest chair. "James is gone and I'm… a baby… this can't be happening!"

"It's okay, it'll be okay. James will be back in a few months and until he is, I'm here. I'm here for anything you want or need."

Lily took a second to calm herself down, breathing in slowly and exhaling slowly. She closed her eyes for a few moments, and let her nerves settle.

"Okay," Lily said, opening her eyes. "Okay, I can do it."

"Yeah, you can," Sirius said reassuringly. "You can do it. And James'll be back soon."

"Right," Lily said. "James'll be back soon."

----------------------------------------------------------

6 MONTHS AFTER JAMES LEFT

Lily was 6 months pregnant and huge. She had moved back in with Sirius, so he could help her with the pregnancy. She was missing James more than ever, and she knew he should have been with her through her pregnancy.

"How was the scan?" asked Sirius, as soon as Miriam and Lily got back.

"Fine, the baby is growing normally. My blood pressure is normal and I'm getting fatter," said Lily, handing Sirius the scan picture.

"Good, look at my godson, isn't he a beautiful blob?" said Sirius adoringly, looking at the scan picture.

"No my _daughter_ is not a blob. She's a fully formed baby, just too small to come out yet," said Lily. She and Sirius had been having friendly debates about the sex of the baby for months. Sirius was somehow convinced that it was a boy, and Lily was positive it was a girl. Sirius had been with her at every appointment, but couldn't make it today because he had to work, so Miriam had come with her.

"It is a boy," said Sirius, pointing to Lily's swollen stomach.

"It's a girl, I should know. She is growing inside _me_."

"I have a sixth sense," argued Sirius.

"You know, you could both stop this if you would just ask the healer what the sex is," said Miriam, who was dying to know herself, but Lily wouldn't let the healer tell anyone.

"No, we don't find out until James is home or until the birth. Whichever is first," said Lily.

"He'll be back for the birth," said Sirius reassuringly.

"Will he? We don't know that," said Lily sadly. "He's already missed so much."

"He will be back."

"Maybe," sighed Lily, turning to go up the stairs to her bedroom. "I'm going to go lie down."

"He better damn well hurry and get back here," said Sirius to Miriam after Lily had gone. "She can't take this much more."

Little did they know that James was on his way home.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

It was the middle of the night when James finally made it home. He had had to go into the ministry and sign off on the mission and give his report to Moody. First he had gone to Lily's flat but it was completely empty. He should have known that she would have moved back in with Sirius. By now he was physically aching to see her, to make sure she was okay, to hold her… he just had to see her.

He dropped his bags in the kitchen and crept upstairs. He didn't want to wake Sirius, he would see him in the morning. He had to see Lily first.

"Lily? Lily?" he said softly as he went into her bedroom. "Lily, are you asleep?"

"No," came Lily's strong reply. She hadn't been sleeping well lately, since the baby was up all night kicking. "James, is that really you?"

"Yeah, it's me," he said, squinting around in the pitch black darkness of her room. "I can't see you."

"Maybe it's best to keep it that way. Leave the light off," she said. She was definitely showing and she didn't want him to find out about the baby like that.

"Why?" asked James confused. Then suddenly the last conversation they had came to his mind. What if she had found someone else? They could be with her right now, in the room.

"I just… need to tell you something and it's easier if we can't see each other," said Lily slowly. She was on her feet and standing about 10 feet away from him.

"Okay…" he said painfully. She had found someone else, he was sure of it, and he couldn't blame her. But it still hurt. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. It wasn't fair: all he wanted to do was hold her, tell her how much he loved her and had missed her and tell her he would never leave her ever again. But he couldn't, someone else got to hold her, kiss her. How could he handle that?

"Um…" started Lily. How was she meant to tell him? He was so close, she just wanted to see him. She wanted to him to wrap his arms round her and tell her that everything was okay and he would never leave again.

"Maybe we should do this in the morning… when we have more time," said James painfully.

"Okay, if that's what you want," said Lily, her voice quivering. She needed him. He couldn't leave now, not when he was finally back.

"Okay," said James, turning and opening the door again, but before he went out, he added: "I know I said it was okay, and it is, but it doesn't change the way I feel about you. But I will fight for you, for us. I'm not going to let this guy have you."

"I'm pregnant!" Lily blurted out, not even taking in what he had said.

James gasped and hung his head.

"Okay… doesn't change a thing," he said, tears falling down his cheek. "I… I can't handle this now… in the morning…"

He left the room.

"James! James!" Lily called to him, catching up with him at the top of the stairs, grabbing his arm.

"I'm sorry," said James, not turning round. "I'm sorry I left."

"James, you left 6 months ago!"

"It's a long time. I shouldn't have expected…"

"I'm seven months pregnant!" she blurted out.

"What? You mean…" said James, turning round so fast so bumped his head off Lily's.

"Oufff…Ow…" laughed Lily, holding her forehead.

"I'm so sorry," said James, ignoring the pain in his head.

"Well, this isn't the reunion I expected," she laughed. "You thinking I had run off and gotten pregnant by…"

"It's my baby?" he asked desperately. He had to hear it from her.

"Of course, it's yours," she said, in happy tears now. "How could you think that I… how could think I could… with someone else? No… never."

"Oh, thank god," whispered James, reaching out and stroking her cheek.

"I could never…" she whispered, placing her hand over his. She had missed him so much. His touch was so soft and loving, it made her cry harder.

"I'm so sorry… please don't cry," he said, treasuring the feeling of her skin again.

"I'm sorry… I missed you so much… I didn't know if you would be back in time…"

"I'm going to be a dad?" said James, placing his other hand on her bump.

"Yeah in about 7 weeks," said Lily, smiling tearfully.

"Wow… just wow… whoa, what was that?"

"She kicked," laughed Lily tearfully. "She knew her Daddy was home and she kicked."

"She?"

"I think so anyway. Sirius is convinced it's a boy."

"As long as they're healthy," said James, in complete awe. A few minutes ago, he had thought the love of his life had found someone else and was starting a family with them. And now it seemed they were a family.

"I had a scan this afternoon, the baby is perfectly healthy."

"And you?"

"I'm fine too, much better now you're back."

"I am back and I'm never leaving again, never," said James, pulling his arms round Lily and holding her close.

"You better not. I can't do this again."

"You won't have to," he said, stroking her hair.

"Good."

"You know, since we are having a baby…"

"What?" asked Lily suspiciously, raising an eyebrow.

"Well I think it's only right if you marry me… again," he said, pulling a box out of his pocket. "I found this while I was away. I thought it would be better than your other one. A new start."

James pulled away but still kept one arm round Lily. He looked down at her intently, and opened the box. Inside was a beautiful white gold ring, with a simple diamond. The diamond was big, but not too flashy. It was perfect for her.

"Uh… um," said Lily eloquently. This she had _not_ been expecting.

"So what do you say? Marry me? Marry me and I'll never ever hurt you again. I'll never break those vows again. You'll never have a reason to doubt me and how much I love you ever again," he said passionately.

"Uh…"

"Wait, wait, I need to do this right," said James, dropping down on one knee and taking hold of her left hand. "Will you make me the happiest person in the world and do me the great honor of becoming my wife, again?"

"Yes."


End file.
